Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Summing Up...

I doubt there is one amongst you who doesn't know that Christmas lost the War. As we speak, Christians, elves and sweatshop owners are gathering for the armistice talks at the UN, stronghold of the SPs. Doubtless they will sign some document which will require only the H-word to be used next year. It's a sad day for our proud nation.

Right up until that sniper bullet got Doodle Bean, I was thinking there was hope. I was starting to believe that Santa would make it across the nation again this year like last year and the year before and so on throughout time immemorial.

But no.

And I think that is all there is to say. Long live Santa Claus! Long Live Doodle Bean!

Sunday, December 24, 2006


It's Christmas Eve!

Will Christmas take place tomorrow? Frankly, it's looking bad. Gunfire erupted at a mall in Boynton Beach, Florida and shut down the mall. That's one defeat for Christmas. The Pope offered a wish for peace in Rome, so we'll see if that works.

In the meantime:
- Another Christmas fire
- Things in Bethlehem are somewhat gloomy
- All sorts of folks are being naughty!
- The Phillipines is still digging out from the typhoon.
- The Chunnel is threatened!

But mail carriers are making Sunday deliveries in blizzard-plagued Colorado and Wyoming to make sure Christmas will happen. And Nouri Dawoud is still fighting! So is Bill Donohue. So, perhaps there is hope.

I'll be crossing my fingers and tracking Santa Claus to see if he makes it around the world this year. As of this writing, he's made it to Rome, so maybe that's why the Pope is wishing for peace.

UPDATE: Santa has made it to Paris, France!

What? I can't get drunk for Christmas?! Isn't that the true meaning of the season?

Saturday, December 23, 2006

T minus 2 Days and...

Sporty was supposed to post yesterday while I continued to recuperate from my Stale-Christmas-Cookie-Induced PTSD (SCCI-PTSD). But there was no post. I'm afraid; I think we may have our third casualty in the war on Christmas! Please, if anyone has any information, put it in comments!

Meanwhile, on the larger front on the War Against Christmas:

- The Vietnamese are celebrating Christmas with dogs -- but not in a good way!

- Christmas is under attack in China, too!

- This woman completely butchers the "Twelve Daze of Christmas" by making it a drinking song! What does Christmas have to do with drinking?!

- Another Christmas tree turns on its owners!

- Zimbabweians are too poor to celebrate!

- Susette Kelo desecrates the meaning of Christmas Cards!

- No Christmas trees in Baghdad!

- The West Dorset District Council is more interested in Christmas rubbish than in Christmas!

- More liberal media outlets attack Christmas Warriors!

- These trailer park denizens will be torn apart!

- Even the weather is fighting us!

Is there any hope for Christmas taking place this year? Could it be possible that we have lost the War?! It looks grim. All we have to counter this bad news is one incident in Spokane!

If you see Sporty, please let me know in which hospital he is recovering! Please!

Thursday, December 21, 2006

T Minus 4 Days and Counting!

I apologize for the lateness in posting today's dispatches. My PTSD flared up after I ate a Christmas cookie which wasn't that good. You know one of those half green and half pink ones? It was stale.

At any rate, the other problem I have is the large numbers of people taking delight in destroying Christmas and trampling on the hopes and dreams of little children as if those hopes and dreams were just so many mudpuddles to splash around in. The giraffes above are just one example. In this photo, there are eagerly dismantling a Christmas tree with their only weapon - their tongues. Here's another example. "Cuttlefish" took great pains to create toy soldier Christmas ornaments for his/her/its tree so it looks like the toy soldiers are shooting at the Christmas ornaments. When will this madness end? Isn't it enough that we have a War on Christmas?! We don't need a War on Christmas Ornaments!

Fortunately, we have a whole family of Christmas warriors on our side. Coincidentally named "Christmas", these lovely people are the force for good which got me out of the medic's tent and back onto the front lines of the War! And this building is happily swarming with Santas (even though I don't like the word "attack" used in conjunction with such a jolly sight)!

Finally, even Godless atheistic Vietnam is celebrating Christmas! It's victories such as this that give me the will to keep on fighting! The rest of the dispatches are the usual mix of good and bad. It's really hard to tell who is winning the War, which is why I keep getting these periodic nervous breakdowns. For example:

- These Christmas Warriors are on the attack, but Santa's been arrested and sent to Gitmo!!
- The Virgin Mary appears on a tree as if by magic, but then Santa gets pelted with mince pies in Britian!

The whole list of dispatches is like that!
- Over the top decorations!
- Jesus not made the King of Poland:
- Thousands of Santas gather in Moscow,
- a Nativity scene in Italy is desecrated!

Finally, we have video evidence that Santa may just be trying to brainwash us or something! Please tell me there is hope for Christmas this year. Please?

Nativity Patrol On Duty!!

Yesterday, Pope Benedict told us to guard Christmas against the viscious attacks of secularism by erecting nativity scenes in our homes and in other places. Today, I announce the formation of a Patriotic and Holy Nativity Squad to police nativity scenes on the internet!

Above is our first violation, a nativity scene done for some communistic NPR nativity contest or something. MJ Kramer, you go on the Naughty List!

Our second offender is another PBS Nativity (what kind of contest is this?!) made up of all sorts of crazy characters!

Red Dirt Rose seems to mean well, but what is it with the gaudy colors? Not to mention the discussion of thrift shops, the two Baby Jesuses, the angels which are tiny compared to the Virgin Mary and the starfish! And exactly what is that in the upper left hand corner? Come on, that's no way to honor our Saviour's birth! You go on the Naughty List!

These techies also seem to mean well, but look at the sloppy glue job on the "Wise Men" and there is a distinct lack of fake snow scattered about!

Finally, Annie Everywhere dishonors the Baby Jesus by photographing him when he is having a bad day and has white-out or something on his hands. Oh no! Does this mean he's been huffing?!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

The Pope Agrees with Us!

VATICAN CITY - Pope Benedict XVI urged Christians on Wednesday to defend the spirit of Christmas against secular trends during his last general audience before the holiday.

He wished the several thousand pilgrims and tourists gathered in a Vatican auditorium decorated with Christmas trees a "Happy Christmas" in seven languages and told them that "false prophets continue to offer cheap salvation which ends up in deep delusions."
Now that the Supreme Pontiff has said it, we need to get cracking! Make sure you defend the spirit of Christmas against those evil SecProgs. And don't stop with setting up a Nativity scene in your home; set one up wherever you want!

Just don't stop until we win!

T Minus Five Days and Counting!

This reporter must confess that it's looking bad for Christmas. Sure, a recent Rasmussen poll shows that most people consider Christmas to be the most important holiday of the year, but in Britian, most kids don't even know it's a celebration of Jesus' birthday! Plus, American Apparel has declared war on it!

Betty Bowers reports that the war at Macy's could be going better [although I feel much better knowing America's Best Christian is on the front lines!]. Then this writer maintains the War which has been killing and maiming so many of the faithful is a fiction!

Finally, just yesterday, a major American corporation sent out this email to its employees [full disclosure: I work for this major American corporation]:

Happy Hanukkah!
Come to the Winter Holiday Multicultural Festival
[time and location redacted]
Learn about the religious histories and customs of Chanukah, Christmas, Diwali, Kwanzaa, Ramadan, Las Posadas, the Epiphany, St. Nicholas Day, St. Lucia Day and others.

They didn't even mention Christmas first! And what kind of header is "Happy Hanukkah!" And then there's this article about multiculturism!

Continuing my despair, it turns out two television stations have started fighting each other over who will have the best Yule Log show on Christmas day. First of all, the Yule Log is a pagan tradition. Second of all, they are fighting over Christmas! As if we don't have enough trouble with the pinko commie SecProg SP SecHums liberal Godless atheists to contend with, we have this battle to deal with.

I was heartened to see that the Polar Express train in New Hampshire is running, but they call it a "Holiday" event! Why are they going to the North Pole for a 'holiday'. It's Christmas, people! Christmas!!

And there is more bad news:
- A man in Britian has erected an obscene Christmas tree!
-Christmas punch has been banned in Vienna!
- Father Guido Sarducci is trying for the title of 'Worst Christmas Song Ever'. [Why, Father? You are a religious man! Why?!]
- Disney tells a white bearded man to stop playing Santa Claus:
- Another Santa kidnaps a child!
- Meanwhile, people all over the world are celebrating Festivus this Saturday. It's just a made up holiday! Why would people all agree to celebrate something made up?

Finally, Moby blogs about his view on the War on his MySpace page. If the musicians and creative people are not with us on the War, we have no hope.

It's a dark day indeed...

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

This holiday season, those nasty liberals, commies, and SecProgs have been quoting some line from Thomas Jefferson about religious tolerance:
"It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg. ~Thomas Jefferson"
But here we have evidence that what your neighbors say does pick someone's pocket. And those 'someones' are the valiant religious groups fighting the War on Christmas! If we let this issue blow over, if we lie down our arms for the sake of peace, then these worthy organizations will have a much harder time raising money.

Don't let this horror happen! Keep on fighting! For the love of all that is holy, make them say, "Merry Christmas!"

Cross-posted to Little Green Fascists

Monday, December 18, 2006

There is Only One Week to Go: Will Christmas Even Take Place?

I hate to continue to publicize bad news, but to defeat our enemies, we need to stay in touch with reality. For example, while we were busy fighting the battles of Brandeis School and SeaTac Airport, Christmas insurgents made sure menorahs would be displayed along with Christmas trees at the Hawaii International Airport! Hawaiian forces have been deployed, but since the enemy has gotten the jump on us, the menorahs may not be removed in time for our most sacred festival of men in red suits and decorated evergreens to take place without being sullied!

Also, a War on Christmas cards has been declared in North Yorkshire, England! Sure, anti-Christmas agitators say they are criticizing the content of the card, but we know better!

Finally, if there is any doubt that insurrectionists want to kill our Christmas celebrations forever, read this article. A specially trained camel infiltrated a riding school Christmas party and wreaked havoc!

And there is more bad news as the enemy forces continue their relentless assault on our values!

- Christmas clothes have been stolen!
- Christmas music is driving people crazy!
- Houses with Christmas lights next door don't sell!
- Rudolf and Mrs. Claus are making Santa unhappy!
- Some drunk guy kidnapped a Christmas float during a Christmas parade!!
- And Kiefer Sutherland tackled a Christmas Tree!!

But we have clout on our side. Santa himself is now blogging his traditional values although he is no longer the richest fictional character out there. And even noted Godless atheist Richard Dawkins has entered the War on our side! He is joined by a a majority of Britons, who think Christ is an essential part of Christmas. And also joined by this couple, who are sending out free "Merry Christmas!" buttons for the asking. Make sure to get yourself one before they run out! Quick!

So, get yourself outfitted and continue to fight the good fight so that Christmas will take place as scheduled next Monday. O, Come! All ye faithful!

Sunday, December 17, 2006

It's the Third Sunday of Advent and the Queen is Against Us!

- Read it and weep for our sacred Christmas holiday!
The Queen [of England] politely declined today to deliver her Christmas Day broadcast from the house of a man who claims to have watched her annual speech every day for the past 13 years.

She apologised to Andy Park, aka Mr Christmas, for being unable to give her yearly televised round-up from his living room. Mr Park, who claims to have celebrated Christmas every day since 1993, said he was 'absolutely devastated' by the news but vowed to continue his daily viewings of her speech.
This war has 'absolutely devastated' this brave Christmas soldier. And look at the photo! He's turned to booze and soccer in a fruitless attempt to forget his agony!

This defeat came right on the heels of the electricity outages in Pacific NW, which knocked out Christmas lights throughout the region.

But take heart! There is good Christmas news, also! First of all, Christmas is keeping these Hungarians alive! THen these kids had their Christmas foal stolen, but it was replaced!

A Christmas bus strike in England was called off, also! And the Swedish Christmas Goat has survived attacks against it. Even if it's a pagan tradition, it has Christmas in the name so it's o.k.!

Plus, the police are getting involved on our side of the War! About 70 police and emergency personnel responded to two men fighting over Christmas bonuses! And they arrested a boy in South Carolina for opening one of his presents early.

So take this war survival advice from Karen Campbell and read this prayer that R J Eskow has written for Christmas warriors to help you through the following dispatches whice aren't so cheery:

- Ronald Reagan betrays us with the H-word!!

- Just when you think our enemies can't stoop any lower, a group of Godless atheists in Lansing want to rename the Michigan Christmas Tree!

- The business editor for a newspaper named after a pesticide also takes up weapons against us.

- More Christmas decorations have been destroyed by anti-Christmas Special Ops forces!

- Birders in England, will be counting birds instead of celebrating the Christmas season. Shoot them all!

- The Collingswood Council fights Christmas by delaying paying for an annual Christmas greeting on a local radio station. Those Scrooges!

- And this Pastor has banned Bibles from Christmas!

- Archbishop O'Malley of Boston is back on the Naughty List for not providing priests to parishoners for Christmas services at closed churches. Bah! Humbug!

- Finally, The Defeatists have put together a scurrilous '12 Days of Christmas'. Shame on them!

It's an Outrage!

The War in Iraq has cost us over $350 billion dollars so far. Not only is that over a third of our nation's annual budget, but that means we have $350 billion fewer dollars to fight the War on Christmas. It's outrageous!!

Let's bring 'em home so they can fight the SecProgs and Godless atheists!

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Won't You Help?

The Traditional American, a young man who does not suffer from Tourette's Syndrom at all, has identified the root cause of the War on Christmas! It turns out that SecProg's hearts are two sizes too small, just like in a book he got out of the liberry.

Let's start a collection for research to find a way to enlarge their hearts two sizes so we can celebrate Christmas without interference from any other belief systems!

h/t to 'Help Save Christmas'. Keep up the good fight!

Friday, December 15, 2006

More Casualties!

- The second death from the War occurred in Central Texas.

- A girl was sent to the hospital as a result of a Christmas pagent in Western Massachusetts. It's a good thing that trauma specialists have become so skilled as a result of the War. The girl will live.

- The rest of the dispatches will have to wait as I am too upset by this news to continue. Damn you, Christmas haters!!

This Morning's Dispatches:

Our newest weapon in the War on Christmas: Attack Chihuahas!

- On the home front, those spoiled rotten Americans are complaining about the War on Christmas. They seem to think commercialism is the big problem of the season, not intolerance of Christian traditions. How dare they not support our War?!

- The government of the Phillipines goes on the Naughty List for banning Christmas gifts to government offices and officials. They think it looks like bribery.

- Ethnic Indians in Northern Ireland are proving they don't mind Christmas by holding a Christmas party!

- And Christmas has inspired this diamond-encrusted cake in Japan. So, if the Irish-Indians and Japanese can celebrate Christmas, why can't we?

- George Diaz agrees, so he gets the final word this morning. He is sick and tired of those Christmas party poopers, but forgives them anyway... as long as they give him his Christmas back! Amen!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

War Correspondent Suffers Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder!

I must apologize for not posting today's dispatches. The course of the War so far has afflicted me with PTSD and I had to go to the doctor. They have declared me only 75% disabled, so therefore perfectly fit for another round of duty... then another one, then another one...

In today's War dispatches, we find that the War on Christmas is expanding into Hanukkah!

- This writer wonders why Hallmark doesn't make Hanukkah ornaments... and finds out she is the only one wondering.

- NewsHounds also noticed the War is expanding.

- And here, a giant Menorah shares airspace with the National Christmas Tree in Washington D.C. Shoot it down! Shoot it down!!

Sadly, the expansion of the War hasn't staunched the flow of outrages nor confined the War to the United States (and Britian):

- The War has expanded into Canada!

- Christmas decorations have been stolen!

- Christmas toys are stolen from a charity in Louisville, KY. Louisville is also the site of the Battle of Brandeis School described in yesterday's dispatches. Are these two skirmishes related?

- More kids' Christmas presents stolen! One of the kids had this to say:
"Jesus or God would not do this. The only person who would make someone upset and make money off this would be the devil..."

- Jesus or God wouldn't create defective Christmas Tree lights, either.

- Some vendors in South Carolina want to honor Christ's birth by violating blue laws which honor the Sabbath. Oy!

- Whirled Net Daily fires off several salvoes of bumper stickers to fight back! And they're on sale!

- Finally, The General writes a letter.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Drama in the Southland!

The War on Christmas went South this week as one teacher complained about another teacher's bulletin board display in a Louisville, KY elementary school!
...The Christmas tree [bulletin board] at Brandeis Elementary was made out of construction-paper cutouts of children’s hands. Above it, it said: “Santa’s Helpers,” principal Servita West-Jordan said.

West-Jordan said she asked the teacher to remove the word’s “Santa’s Helpers” because she agreed that students in the class who were Indian or Muslim might be offended because they don’t necessarily believe in Christmas or Santa Claus.

West-Jordan said the teacher removed the entire display about a week and a half ago, replacing it with a note that said the Grinch had stolen the bulletin board.

The teacher put the tree back up the next day with the words “Happy Holidays” above it.

“Everybody seems pleased with the outcome and we’ve moved past it,” West-Jordan said.

Aukram Burton, the Jefferson County Public Schools’ multi-cultural expert said, the district’s policy calls for holiday displays that don’t favor one religion over another.

“We want to include everyone and not to exclude anyone,” he said.

Burton said West-Jordan made the right decision by allowing the Christmas tree to stay but requesting more inclusive words to go along with it.
The right decision?! The right decision would have been to let those Indian or Muslim kids know all about our holy and peaceful Christmas celebration so they can become good Americans!

We're going to have to chalk this one up as a defeat. Too bad that one teacher didn't put up more than a fight! Wuss!

This Afternoon's Dispatches:

- What can a mom do against the Ninth circuit when it comes to the War? Write a book, silly! It helps to have caricatures of Hillary Clinton and Al Gore axing a nativity play... even though those two aren't on the Ninth Circuit.

- Jeff Jacoby defends our side in the War!

- Wow! These people sound crazy!

- And this one thinks there is something wrong with being offended by "Happy Holidays". He doesn't seem to understand that it's hard work dodging those H-word bombs and the staring down the insensitivity to your day!!

This Morning's Dispatches:

- Sam Brownback is our new Commander-in-Chief! Now maybe we'll start winning more battles! Let's get behind our new leader to win this War!!

- Europe is too warm for a white Christmas and other joys of the season, so they go on the Naughty List!

- This guy goes on the Naughty List for this curmudgeonly post. "Happy Gnu Year", indeed!!

- Gallant Santa Rides a Rickshaw into battle!

- PeeWee Herman's Xmas Special is enough to put him on the Naughty List for all eternity!

- Commandante Agi declares War!!! And then adds insult to injury here!

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

The Newest Dispatches:

-The President says the War on Christmas is going quite well and we are to stay the course!
-These evil cats are fighting on the wrong side in the war!
- Chicago's Chinatown kicks off Asian week with a Christmas party!
- This guy thinks an armistice has been declared! HA!
- Buckinghamshire County Council denied the request of All Saints' Church in High Wycombe to display a poster listing publicizing its Christmas services in the town's library.
- Hypocrite! British Home Secretary Reid doesn't have "Merry Christmas" on his cards!!
- A Scrooge-like letter from Charles Dickens is up for auction. Dickens goes on the Naughty List (retroactively)!


The rabbi who wanted a menorah put on display at the Sea-Tac International Airport has withdrawn his threat of a lawsuit after receiving tons of some hate mail. That'll teach him to mess with Christians!!

The trees are back up in their rightful home!

The Dispatches are Coming In Thick and Fast!

The dispatches on this year's War are coming in so fast that I don't have time to write commentary! Following are the latest missives:

-The first casualty of the 2006 War on Christmas is a 9 year old child!
-A new battle breaks out in Louisville, KY!!
-A man spells out 'Bah Hum-bug' in Christmas Lights!!!!
-Santa banned from church services!
-Christmas outlawed in England!!
-This guy isn't happy about Christmas lights. What a traitor!!
-A 'Coalition" of the War on the War on Christmas' has been formed to ummm... fight those who are fighting the war. I think that means they are on our side...
-Not one celebrity came to the side of Martha MacCallum on Fox's Live Desk when she called for assistance in fighting the War! Cowards!!

Several warriors on both sides of the battle are fighting through the medium of video:

-This noble Santa is fighting the good fight wherever Christmas gifts are sold.
-Another type of Santa has a vlog. So, this is your opportunity to see Santa on the toilet and getting drunk. Yes, he goes on the Naughty List!
-Finally, the Huffington Post has a War on Christmas video game trailer. They go on the Naughty List!

More later! I have to run and cover the new battle in Kentucky!

Monday, December 11, 2006

Oh no. They didn't!

The Bushes sent out their official 'holiday' card and just like last year, it made no mention of Christmas. Sure, there's a psalm on it, but that is Old Testament. And although it doesn't have the word 'holiday', it only talks about 'the season'. It's disgusting!

And just when Laura was doing so well and survived that Christmas War attack! We have to put them on the Naughty List again this year.

Two Weeks to Go. Will Christmas Win the War?!

This poster comes from About.com and has the very important message that there is a lot at stake in this war!

For example, pagans are taking advantage of a school's system for notifying parents about community events during this Christmas season. It seems that Jerry Falwell made it so religious groups can use the system to publicize their events. But pagans shouldn't be able to use it. They're not a religion, right? They go on the Naughty List!

In contrast, we have won two victories against the forces of darkness! In Norman, OK it looked as if the annual Christmas Parade would not take place as the parade committee members fought over what to call it. The forces of good saw no reason to change the name. The forces of evil wanted to replace 'Christmas' with 'Holiday', of course. The battle raged so fiercely that all the volunteers quit the committee and it looked as if the parade just wouldn't happen!

Happily, a community member stepped up, a new committee compromised on calling it the 'Main Street Christmas Holiday Parade' and it took place on schedule! Although not a decisive victory (since that dreaded H word is in there), it was close enough to a victory that we will call it one!

Meanwhile, it looked like Christmas wasn't going to happen in Tuscaloosa, Alabama! Nobody in town donated a Christmas tree to stand in the place of honor in front of the courthouse! It looked as if the prestige of their annual Christmas parade (named "Christmas, a Recreational Celebration") was threatened! But finally, Carl Snyder donated a 30 foot tall cedar and the skirmish was won! Their parade and tree lighting took place just as scheduled.

Despite these triumphs, some bloggers are deciding to fight on the dark side in the war. One code-named 'Atrios' decided the trees at Sea-Tac aren't that big a deal. But it's a major battle in our war!! He and his commenters are all on the Naughty List. Another blogger code-named 'John' has erected a huge Grinch which is glaring at Washington D.C. with malevolent eyes. His commenters think it's funny (well, the ones who get what it is). So he and his commenters go on the Naughty List, too!

But take heart! All sorts of people are fighting back against the secularists efforts with song:
  • Dr. BLT is striking a blow against Best Buy's refusal to have its clerks say, "Merry Christmas".
  • Weird Al does his bit for the war effort.
  • John Lennon cheers us all up (the pictures don't quite match up with the cheery message of the song, but we think the intention was good).
  • Finally, an unknown young soldier gives his all for Christmas!
Oh! And it was International Human Rights Day yesterday. I was so busy making sure people toed the line on Christmas that I forgot to post about it. Oh well.

Rapine in Seattle!

Brave defenders of Christmas at the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport were forced into a Hobson's choice this weekend: either remove Christmas trees which traditionally were placed around the terminals to brighten the travels and travails of passengers or erect an enormous Menorah to commemorate Hanukkah.

What else could they do? They boxed up the trees in the dead of night and moved them to an unknown location. All because of the complaints of one man, a rabbi who was just trying to 'add some light' to the holiday. Airport officials tried to make it sound like a victory rather than a defeat:
"We decided to take the trees down because we didn't want to be exclusive," said airport spokeswoman Terri-Ann Betancourt. "We're trying to be thoughtful and respectful, and will review policies after the first of the year."
The instigator of this bloody battle tried to make it sound like the airport was overreacting, but failed:
"Everyone should have their spirit of the holiday. For many people the trees are the spirit of the holidays, and adding a menorah adds light to the season," said Bogomilsky, who works in Seattle at the regional headquarters for Chabad Lubavitch, a Jewish education foundation.

..."They've darkened the hall instead of turning the lights up," said Bogomilsky's lawyer, Harvey Grad. "There is a concern here that the Jewish community will be portrayed as the Grinch."
Grinch indeed, Rabbi Bogomilsky, if that is your real name! Why do we need to be sensitive to people of other faiths? It's just an international airport!

Cross-posted to Little Green Fascists

Sunday, December 10, 2006

It's the Second Sunday in Advent: The War Is Getting Hotter!

Our First Lady, Laura Bush, had a bit of a rocky start in the War last year because she sent out 'Holiday cards' instead of Christmas cards. We had to put her on the Naughty List for that! But she came around this year and was doing quite well in making sure our Lord's birthday was first and foremost in all things.

So we were quite shocked to find out she had been attacked at her own Christmas Party! The evidence is quite upsetting, so please take a deep breath before you gaze upon the photographic evidence of the aggression.

That's right! Our gallant First Lady was humiliated by War on Christmas commandos wearing the exact same dress as she was!! Fortunately, since she was home, she cleverly parried the attack by changing her dress, but not before the official Christmas portrait was taken.

We don't know much about the attackers except that they had money and access. The Christmas party is by invitation only and the Oscar de la Renta gowns cost $8500 apiece -- that's over $25000 worth of attempted sabotage, people! Thank goodness Laura's attackers didn't mimic her hairstyle, also!

In other War news:

They are getting organized! Some sickos have written a manual for fighting the War on Christmas. They know what they are doing; no authors are listed, just "A Mysterious Cabal of Secular Liberal Plotters". Sickening! Here is just one page of their vile tactics.
One way to repel attacks and make sure store clerks say, "Merry Christmas" to you is to wear one of these. If Laura Bush had been wearing one she could have more easily overcome that assault at her own Christmas party!

Just as invitees sandbagged the First Lady, this rogue Christmas Tree destroyed a loyal family's home. The forces against us are playing dirty, folks!

And like that rogue Christmas tree, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is joining forces with those who would make everyone in America give up their beliefs and only say, "Happy Holidays".

Here, it attacks Camilla Parker-Bowles during the photo shoot for her and Prince Charles' Christmas card. The Flying Spaghetti Monster site is also filled with references to 'the holidays' and not to Christmas at all. They go on the Naughty list!

In S. Africa, the War on Christmas has become so bad that Nelson Mandela had to cancel his annual charity Christmas party for children. Those Christmas warriors have no shame, do they?

These War dispatches may seem depressing until you realize that we have plenty of forces on the side of Christmas. The Catholic League for Religious Freedom and Civil Rights (slogan: "We'll tell you what civil rights you can have!") has set up the 2006 Christmas Watch list which tracks our Christmas War enemies and even names the 'Supreme Grinch of the Week'.

So, every time you are confronted with the enemy, some of who deliberately aim to offend you and Jesus, take comfort in the fact that the Catholic League, Jordanian women, Eartha Kitt and Torres Vedras are on our side!

Saturday, December 09, 2006

I had nothing to do tonight (spiritual restoration is hard, people!). I was surfing the internets and found this:

It has to be the worst desecration of the spirit of Christmas that I have ever seen! That one guy isn't even wearing a Santa hat!!

The organizers say the 'run' is for charity, but I think the corrupt and degenerate opportunities for self-aggrandizment are the real motivation for the so-called "organizers". When will this kind of holiday madness end?

Friday, December 08, 2006

All Hail the Mighty Third... er... Almost a Third!

A recent poll indicates that most people in the U.S. are not offended by being wished a "Merry Christmas!". However, 32% of the people were offended by being wished "Happy Holidays!
"Wal-Mart's change of heart this season could help bring more people into their stores - 35 percent of respondents said hearing "Merry Christmas" makes them more likely to shop there this season," Zogby added.
This poll directly indicates that we are winning the War on Christmas! Almost a third of the people are with us. Over a third if you average the 'Wal-Mart' results with the 'offended' results! Take heart, soldiers, and press onward!

Sadly, the War has claimed another casualty. After Christmas is over, Captain Jack's Christmas Tree farm in Iowa is closing.
In his years playing host to tens of thousands of Iowans, some reindeer and occasionally even Santa Claus, [Bill "Captain Jack" Dennis] said his favorite part has been the kids.

"It's always the smile on the kids' faces, how happy they are running through the field," he said.
You know as well as I do that those kids wouldn't have had as much fun if the place had been named "Captain Jack's Holiday Tree Farm"!

But there are many entities working this year to make sure Christmas is as special and magical as it can be despite Captain Jack's shutting down. Lepe, Spain, has plans to have a White Christmas no matter what:
The southern town of Lepe has not had snow for half a century, but it will have a white Christmas this year, by order of the Town Hall. It has brought in two converted cannons to fire fake snow from its balcony into the town square for 15 minutes every night until Jan. 6.
This guy is doing his part by making sure his lights flash just as he the reporter saw them flash in some beer commercial.

And speaking of commercials, this guy notes that they have always been an important part of the traditions of Christmas:
And just think of all the warm advertising traditions associated with Christmas, from the Budweiser (BUD) Clydesdales to the Norelco Santa. In fact, not so long ago Norelco (PHG) used to call itself "Noelco" during the holidays, using the tagline "Even our name says Merry Christmas."

Seventy-five years ago Coca-Cola (KO) invented the modern image of Santa Claus, a fact of which -- to their credit -- they still proudly boast. But even Coke (NYSE: KO - news) has gotten cold feet; they're featuring Santa on their packaging this year but still won't call it a "Christmas Can" [despite the nice alliteration]. Instead, they printed "Holiday Can" at the top. Ugh.

Finally, President Bush makes sure Christmas stays alive in America by presiding over the lighting of the National Christmas Tree in Washington D.C. And the lighting ceremony starts the "Christmas Pageant of Peace." So there. We won the war. It's time for peace, all right?

Thursday, December 07, 2006

A Grinch! And A Bureau of Grinches! And Other Outrages!!

The War is escalating like a Ferrari Roadster!

Larry King attended a Christmas party this week and was apparently quite a Grinch about it. He goes on the naughty list!

Similarly, the Maine Bureau of Liquor Enforcement has censored a beer bottle label which shows Santa checking his list and checking it twice. Officials have declared the label, along with two others which show bare breasted females, to be "undignified or improper." They also say the Santa label would encourage underage drinking. I think it will just encourage the love and kindness of the Christmas season, so the Bureau goes on the Naughty List!

UK Balls Limited, a Christmas Party firm, chose this festive season of joy to declare bankruptcy.
The firm said the problems were caused when a number of firms who had said they would be attending the balls made alternative arrangements.
Let's just hope that this move wasn't yet another battle in the War on Christmas! Appropriately, the liquidation of UK Balls will be handled by Bottomley and Co. How very Dickensian!

Wonkette goes on the Naughty List for compiling a truly depressing "War on Christmas Gift Guide", accompanied by this photo:

Barbara Ehrenreich offers a glimpse of hope for an exit strategy from the War on Christmas, then completely ruins it by considering serving Cuban Pork Roast for Christmas Dinner.

Then this 'Reverend' speaks up saying the War makes him puke and publishing a photo of a dead Santa. The war makes us puke, too, Rev. But we fight on anyway!

Sadly No! goes on the Naughty List for publicizing a charity's* 'Holiday' party and publishing this photo:

Just so you don't get too discouraged and think those 'Secular Progressives' (SecProgs) are winning the war, there is news of another battle won in London!
The lighting of the Trafalgar Square Christmas Tree, a highlight of London's festive period, has taken place. A Norwegian Spruce, complete with garlands of energy-efficient light bulbs, was switched on by Crown Princess Mette-Marit of Norway.

Sadly, Senator Patty Murray refused to follow Speaker of the House Hastert's recommedation to call our National Christmas Tree a Christmas Tree! Instead, she called it a 'Holiday Tree'. Twice. She goes right on the Naughty List!

UPDATE: The story above about evil Patty Murray is from last year. World NutNet Daily dates all their stories with today's date, so beware!

*Sure, the charity's name is 'Christmas in the City', but once you call use that dreaded H word, you are anti-Christmas. You are either with us or against us!

[Note from XmasWar: This post introduces Sporty, a recently reconstructed Christian who simply loves Christmas! He is NOT gay!]

Ever since I've come out of my spiritual reconstruction, I've been especially attuned to the evil inherent in our society. It must be stamped out! That latest outrage is our government's decision to allow a Wiccan' soldier to have the Wiccan pentagram on the plaque commemorating his death. And do you think it's any coincidence that this transgression occurred right before Christmas?! I don't either!!

Isn't it enough that this evil soldier got a Purple Heart and a Bronze Star? Why does the Northern Nevada Veterans Memorial Cemetery in Fernley, Neveda have to be desecrated?

And take a look at the soldier's wife and mother-in-law. His wife is wearing some anti-American Native American garb and the mother-in-law isn't dressed completely in black.

The evil makes me shudder!

Cross-posted to Little Green Fascists

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Outrage in Boston! Outrage in Cleveland! Outrage on the Internets!!

The Boston Globe reports a shattering loss to our forces in the War on Christmas: a troop of Boy Scouts declare that they had some Christmas trees stolen! Hear that America? They are Christmas trees, not 'Holiday Trees'. The scouts were even selling them from the yard of a church.

In these anti-Christmas times, the scouts are receiving little sympathy for their loss. For example, a Wayland Police Officer said, "It's an unfortunate commentary on today's society." Still, despite the blow of from this disapproval and their battle scars, the scouts have not lost hope. After listing the events that would have to be cancelled or curtailed because of the loss, sixth grader Bryce Turner courageously declared,
"Our message to the person who did this is: We're not going to let you ruin our plans entirely"

Similar to the damage done by that insidious thief or thieves, the Cleveland Public Library is attempting to steal Christmas away from us by having a Holiday Concert with their Cleveland Public Library Holiday Chorus. The library bills itself as "The People's University", which sounds awfully communistic. Perhaps that is why they are so evil and godless. Shame! Shame! It's Christmas, Cleveland! CHRISTMAS!!!

Finally, a singer named Dan Zane earns our wrath by doing a music video named "Holiday Time in Brooklyn" for an organization named Heifer International. Heifer buys small animals such as chickens, ducks, llamas, geese, sheep and calves for poor people around the world, most of whom don't even look like they are Christian. Both Zane and Heifer go on the Naughty List. Shame on them, also!!

Sunday, December 03, 2006

It's the First Sunday in Advent

Did you go to church today? Have you spent an hour in reflection and meditation? Do you have your Advent candles to light tonight? If you haven't, better get to it! Christmas isn't just one day in the year -- it's a whole process!

Similarly, the War on Christmas is glowing as hot as that first candle of Advent:

Joel Connelly, a columnist for the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, prepares for our Lord's birthday by castigating Cmdr. O'Reilly and Lt. General John Gibson. He also informs us that Fox Corporation goes on the Naughty List again this year for having a "Holiday Party". Will they never learn from their own noble Culture Warrior?

Here is more proof that Fox News is a spy in the War! Sure, they list these decorations as 'O'Reilly Factor Christmas Ornaments', but they are under the header of "Holiday Ideas"! Shame on you, Fox!

Just like last year, driftglass confuses us by publishing a stirring and inspirational war speech, but mentions 'Mithras' in the title. Perhaps it's a typo; 'Mithras' does sound like 'Christmas'...

Someone who styles herself as a modern day Delilah does her best to sound reasonable, but despite the great photo of Cmdr O'Reilly, reveals herself to be just another opponent in the war. Sad, really. She also maintains that Delilah didn't shear Samson's locks to sap his manly body of strength. Sure, Delilah!

Laura Bush, learning from her faux pas of last year, displayed the White House Christmas decorations to reporters and photographers. The worst part of the event was the White House pastry chef saying,
That's quite a job. And we had fun doing it for the First Family and the American people to enjoy during the holidays." [emphasis mine]
It's Christmas, Mesiner! CHRISTMAS!! But Laura does mention he is the former WH pastry chef, so that is probably why he lost his job.

And these pseudo-intellectual photographers seem to imply the White House is trying to distract attention from the War in Iraq and other issues by the token gesture of Christmas decorations. They are wrong. Christmas decorations are never a distraction even when your electricity bill is skyrocketing.

Meanwhile, these folks are undertaking their annual denigration of all things pure and holy. I can't even believe I'm linking to them!

And this ZZ Top look-a-like weighs in on his non-combatant status by saying in America freedom of religion applies to all religions. Yeah, right. We believe someone who looks like this:

Thankfully, VDARE is countering all this 'holiday' nonsense by their annual War on Christmas Competition. Thank God there is some organization preserving our colonial American values! They go on the Nice List.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Oh NO! More Defeats!

Hot on the heels of our setback in Colorado, some group named the Coalition to Stop Christmas has declared War on Christmas as We Know It! 'Sandra Claus' writes:

The Coalition to Stop Christmas is proud to announce the launch of their new website, www.stopxmas.com, which is dedicated to stopping Christmas as we know it. The Coalition to Stop Christmas has been founded for the purpose of eliminating the commercial aspect of the holiday, and returning it to its roots, which was originally a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ.

StopXmas.com features stories, opinion, and history of the holiday, and will also invite Christians to take its Christmas Challenge, which is designed to solidify one's faith. In short, the StopXMas website is a reality check for those who believe Christmas is to be spent shopping, harassing store managers and clerks, and breaking the family budget on useless gifts and utility bills.

They go straight to the Naughty List without passing Go and without collecting $200!!

Meanwhile, in Chicago, municipal officials want to symbolically remove the 'Christ' from their annual Christkindlmarket. That would make it the annual 'kindlmarket'. Does that make sense? No.
CHICAGO - A public Christmas festival is no place for the Christmas story, the city says. Officials have asked organizers of a downtown Christmas festival, the German Christkindlmarket, to reconsider using a movie studio as a sponsor because it is worried ads for its film "The Nativity Story" might offend non-Christians.
Sure, those officials get all namby-pamby and mealy-mouthed about the issue, saying it has nothing to do with Christ at all, but we know better!
"Our guidance was that this very prominently placed advertisement would not only be insensitive to the many people of different faiths who come to enjoy the
market for its food and unique gifts, but also it would be contrary to acceptable advertising standards suggested to the many festivals holding events on Daley Plaza," Jim Law, executive director of the [Mayor's Office of Special Events], said in a statement.
Right Jim. And would you be a pinko commie atheist by any chance?! You go right onto the Naughty List!!

Monday, November 27, 2006

Christmas Under Assault in Colorado!

Colorado is considered the center of strength for Christianity. It's where peaceful and righteous Ted Haggard has had his church and where religious nuts people of the right kind come together to love thy neighbors as themselves. But that cozy state of affairs was threatened this week by a homeowner in Denver who put up a peace sign wreath.

This brazen act of aggression has upset her neighbors who see it as an anti-war statement of some kind or even a symbol of Satan. The gallant Loma Linda Homeowners Association is fighting back and fighting back hard by fining the aggressor, Lisa Jenson, $25 a day until she removes the offensive symbol.

Typical of the bellicose nature of those who would fight peace on earth and good will to all persons, Jenson has declared she will not remove the wreath and will not pay the fine.

Where will this madness end?

UPDATE: Despite his courageous fight, Bob Kearns of the Loma Linda Homeowners Association has conceded defeat and offered an apology to the rabidly anti-Christmas Lisa Jensen who hung the offensive wreath. No word on whether or not the association members he fired will get their positions back.

UPDATE II: And now the New York Times has caught wind of the debacle. So much for Peace on Earth.

Oh, and the entire Federal Government is trying to stop Christmas again this year. The Post Office has only issued one Christmas stamp. And it's ugly.

Meanwhile, there are four "Holiday" snowflake stamps. The Feds and the Post Office go on the naughty list!

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Victory over Wal-Mart!

The Battle of Wal-Mart has been one of the most important in the war and we have won it decisively!
"Wal-Mart has seen the light," said Mathew Staver, founder of Orlando, Fla.-based Liberty Counsel. "The American people are tired of having Christmas censored or secularized."
Damn right, Mat! You go on the 2006 nice list!

Yet even with Mat's stalwart advocacy for the American people, we have a ways to go to Victory. The same article reports that:
..."Best Buy Co. is sticking with, 'Happy Holidays...' "

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

No Peace Without Honor!

As the war drags on through its third year... or is it its fourth... soldiers seem to lack something in energy and vigor. For example, last year Commander Bill O'Reilly and Lt. John Gibson were extremely dedicated to the cause of pushing John's book the war.

This year, not so much. Could it be battle fatigue? Injury? A new cause which may be... gasp!.. more important than the culture war which has held our great nation in it's evil grasp?!

Thursday, November 09, 2006

The War on Christmas is BACK!

Stephen Colbert, put on the Naughty list last Christmas season due to excessive snark, has initiated - and won - the first decisive battle in the 2006 session of the War on Christmas! I guess we put him on the Nice list for this year.

Althought Colbert appears to have reformed, these folks most definitely have not! We are pretty certain (I think) they are the same people who declared actual War on Christmas last year. They are Naughty indeed!

In other WOC news, John Gibson's seminal classic, "The War on Christmas: How the Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Christian Holiday Is Worse Than You Thought" has sunk to #19,497 on the Amazon sales rank. What will happen to our great nation now?

Sunday, January 08, 2006

The Onion published a keenly insightful article on the lasting effects of the Christmas spirit guaranteed to make you vow to keep love in your heart all the magical times of the year!

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Dispatches about the outcome of the War are still coming in! I feel compelled to list them even though we have moved on to other projects. We are procratinating, you say? Well, yeah...

The Reclusive Leftist announced on January 2nd that Christmas, after fighting a last-ditch action at Macy's, finally surrendered. The damned Dr. Violet goes on the Naughty List

The Imperial writes the last of his dispatches from the North Pole, ending with the image of Santa being led away in chains, then admits the whole thing was fake! He is so naughty, that we are putting him on the Naughty list for next year!

Mr. Sun never updated his dispatches after December 9th, so it looks like he was a casualty in the terrible Christmas War of 2005. And dispatches from Operation Kringle Kill indicate they failed in their terrible mission. Thank Goodness!

Finally, The Moderate Voice tries to pull it all together in a way that makes sense. Good luck with that task, Voice!

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Bill O'Reilly is not done with his War On Christmas yet!

At this late date, our brave Commander is still flogging... er... fighting the War on Christmas! And David Letterman goes on the Naughty list at this late date for giving him a hard time about calling one school district's changing of the words of one traditional Christmas song a "war"! That naughty David even said, "I have the feeling about 60 percent of what you say is crap. ... I don't think that you represent an objective viewpoint." Scandalous!

Monday, December 26, 2005


Military Intelligence now confirms that Christmas took place right on schedule, much like last year. The War On Christmas is over...at least for another year and the BBC won!

Yes, there was bloodshed. Yes, there were Godless naysayers. But overall, Christians in the U.S. were completely free to celebrate as they wished. Sadly, so were people of other faiths. Tim Wildmon of the American Family Association is already planning on how to solve that problem for next year!

Plus, as long as there are generous souls who are willing to donate money to repair a symbol in a hurricane-devastated region where many thousands of poor people are homeless, the spirit of the American Christmas is alive and well! [We wonder how much food for homeless people $1 million would buy...]

So, we shall be shutting down this blog until next year's War On Christmas! Feel free to visit the Naughty and Nice List to see how Christmas played out for our various heros and miscreants! We'll leave you with our last Naughty List additions, Green Boy of Needlenose, for his series of snarky posts on the Pope and Scott Bateman for his five short Christmas films, including one which suggests our Commander O'Reilly may be deranged! Bad boys!

Happy Holidays!

Sunday, December 25, 2005

It's a tense day because conflicting war dispatches are coming in from all over the earth. Only time will tell if Santa really made it, as NORAD claims (their video looks suspiciously as if it was generated by computer, so can we trust them?):

- Depending on where one is in Baghdad, Christmas is either dying or dead.

- The spirit of Christmas seems to be alive in Boston, MA. Although, in all honesty, so does the spirit of Scrooge as closed churches remained locked despite parishioners requests. It's hard to tell which side of our war Archbishop O'Malley is on!

- TBogg won his personal war on Christmas... or is it just beginning?

- Christmas is alive and well in Pearlington, Mississippi!

- Harry Singer and Georganna Barry-Singer report that they saw Hanukah Harry beat up Santa! Then again, the format for their report is song, so we may be able to discount their accuracy as well.

- Singe, a commenter on Jesus' General, also supplies a drawing of a commie Santa apparently completing his rounds (no presents left in the spaceship), but it is obviously out of date. Note the details of the space ship for example. And Santa is wearing an orange suit with gray cuffs when this year's official uniform is red with white cuffs. Oh, and there is the matter of the USSR flag.

- Christmas is alive, well and playing bagpipes over at Shakespeare's Sister!

- PZ Meyers supplies an image of Santa's death. Since it is a drawing, however, we may remain suspicious of its accuracy.

- Athenae is also uncertain about the state of Christmas on this day.

- Technorati reports that most bloggers and netizens received gifts this morning and that they are writing about a range of emotions from love to crushing disappointment. So, it sounds like Christmas happened as always!

- NPR is still broadcasting David Sedaris' Santaland Diaries, perhaps the most explosive weapon in the War On Christmas the left has to offer.

- Doodle Bean wishes everyone Happy Holidays no matter what, so goes on the Naughty List!

- Ray Wright threatens to start a side war in the War on Christmas over the song "The Twelve Days of Christmas"!

- At this late date, another war denier springs up! Thomas J. Raleigh in the San Francisco Chronicle still maintains that the real wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are more important than the War on Christmas! Imagine!

- Roy Edroso shares his thoughts about Christmas and reluctantly comes out as a supporter.

- Bart shares a traditional Engrish greeting he received.

- Finally, Kimberley Devlin reminds us of John Lennon's anti-war song, "So this is Christmas". It's as timely now as when it was written.

While we wait for the truth to emerge, enjoy some holiday tunes legally and for free courtesy of Creative Commons!

Saturday, December 24, 2005

NEWS FLASH: Santa's going for it! U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals be damned! At the time of this posting, he is in Paris, France! What will happen when he crosses into U.S. airspace? Godspeed, Santa!

Meanwhile, the Christmas War claimed its first fatalities in Sri Lanka. Eight were injured.

NEWSFLASH: U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals Judge Stephen Reinhardt has cancelled Christmas! It's all over boys and girls! Christmas has apparently lost the war. Oh, the humanity! The humanity!

It is Christmas Eve and tensions are running high. Will Christmas happen? Will the forces of that damned political correctness win? Forces on both sides of the issue are preparing for the final showdown in their own ways:

- The Republican Party wishes us all Happy Holidays (and goes on the Naughty List as a result)!

- The Krupniks still have their Christmas display up!

- T. Jeremy Gunn, director of the ACLU Program on Freedom of Religion and Belief, is claiming that the ACLU likes Christmas Carols (and goes on the Nice List)!

- Bill O'Reilly is listing the U.S. Representatives who voted no on the resolution to protect Christmas and thinking about his resolutions for the New Year ("Become more assertive" should be on there, Bill)!

- Bruce Kluger & David Slavin are offering a "Christmas" song (and going on the Naughty List)! (via Jesus' General).

- Dan Brown of the London Free Press thinks Christmas materialism is a good thing!

- Various LiveJournal users are on rants. A sample: The James doesn't like consumerism, plainsong3178 dredges up some bad memories, col1999 wants to remind us that Hanukah came first and nytheron is promising to enlist (and has already gotten a "NOME" tatoo, apparently)!

- The American Family Association is trying to keep people out of the stores!

-Michael is giving us a teaser on his view of the origins of Christmas!

- Curmudgeon Boy takes a stab at reminding us of the reason for the season and just ends up getting put on the Naughty List!

- Scott Shields supports the War on the War on the War on Christmas... or is just confused.

- Robert Silvey earns himself a place on the Naughty List by this swipe at our Commander, Bill O'Reilly.

- Mudcat has lots of Christmas music up!

- Finally, bratalie gets into the true spirit of Christmas!

The Ruckus Society sent this "Christmas" card to me. Silly leftists! Politics has nothing to do with the War on Christmas!

Friday, December 23, 2005

Another U.S. Representative, Jan Schakowsky, writes a Christmas "poem" which reveals deep-seated anti-Christmas attitudes! What is it with our elected Representatives writing poetry, anyway? I thought they were supposed to be writing laws! Rep. Schakowsky goes right on the Naughty list along with Dingle! Her poem was up on TPMCafe, which goes on the Naughty list for giving the work a home on the internets.

Agitprop is now posting mocking article after satirical photoshopped image after snarky piece all aimed straight at the heart of our Commander, Bill O'Reilly. They go on the Naughty list for this scandalous piece!

Driftglass seems to be trying to make up for its piece on the Anti-Christmas Commando with this apparent pean to the power of Santa, but a close reading reveals the words "Santaland" and "doom" in the same sentence. You know what that means -- they are lying about admiring Santa Claus! They stay on the Naughty List!

Stephen Colbert tries to make up for his previous snarkiness with his take on the history of Christmas customs. Nope! He stays on the Naughty List! There's also a piece by David Sedaris which is not "The SantaLand Diaries"!

Greg of the Talent Show seems to the war is silly. Something about people being too insecure? Hmmmmmm.....

Blogger note: In Internet Explorer, my profile, the Naughty list and the Nice list are not where they are supposed to be! Look for the lists at the bottom right if you are using Internet Explorer. I believe this is happening because of Microsoft's generosity in funding liberal charities!

Thursday, December 22, 2005

NEWS FLASH: Someone named Rob Boston made hero John Gibson very, very cross yesterday by calling him a liar about his valiant book, "The War on Christmas". Those Crooks and Liars have the video, which keeps them firmly planted on the Naughty list. Rob Boston is going to join them there!
UPDATE: A reviewer on Amazon.com has a horrible story to share about our hero, John Gibson! Could it possibly be true?!?

Then there is this James Wolcott guy. Naughty list!

Sadly, with bad Santas like these, who needs an anti-Santa commando like this?

He's trying: Jesus' General posts a pro-Christmas news article (or at least a pro-Christ one), but then he continues his Christmas War Canteen with a song called "Santa's Got a Mullet". He's staying on the Naughty List!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Santa Fights Back! The Citizens Committee for the Right to Keep and Bear Arms has sent out a Christmas card showing a gun-totin' Santa Claus facing down a terrorist! Way to fight in the War on Christmas, Santa! And way to show the true spirit of the Christmas season, CCRKBA*!

UPDATE: Apparently, Laura Bush is trying to redeem herself in the War by answering some letters. Nice try, Laura, but you are still on the naughty list!

Blogger note: In Internet Explorer, my profile, the Naughty list and the Nice list are not where they are supposed to be! Look for the lists at the bottom right. Thank you for bearing with this inconvenience as I and blogger.com tries to figure out what went wrong. You could always use Firefox instead!

*Sounds a little like someone hawking up a loogie, doesn't it?

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