Monday, December 18, 2006

There is Only One Week to Go: Will Christmas Even Take Place?

I hate to continue to publicize bad news, but to defeat our enemies, we need to stay in touch with reality. For example, while we were busy fighting the battles of Brandeis School and SeaTac Airport, Christmas insurgents made sure menorahs would be displayed along with Christmas trees at the Hawaii International Airport! Hawaiian forces have been deployed, but since the enemy has gotten the jump on us, the menorahs may not be removed in time for our most sacred festival of men in red suits and decorated evergreens to take place without being sullied!

Also, a War on Christmas cards has been declared in North Yorkshire, England! Sure, anti-Christmas agitators say they are criticizing the content of the card, but we know better!

Finally, if there is any doubt that insurrectionists want to kill our Christmas celebrations forever, read this article. A specially trained camel infiltrated a riding school Christmas party and wreaked havoc!

And there is more bad news as the enemy forces continue their relentless assault on our values!

- Christmas clothes have been stolen!
- Christmas music is driving people crazy!
- Houses with Christmas lights next door don't sell!
- Rudolf and Mrs. Claus are making Santa unhappy!
- Some drunk guy kidnapped a Christmas float during a Christmas parade!!
- And Kiefer Sutherland tackled a Christmas Tree!!

But we have clout on our side. Santa himself is now blogging his traditional values although he is no longer the richest fictional character out there. And even noted Godless atheist Richard Dawkins has entered the War on our side! He is joined by a a majority of Britons, who think Christ is an essential part of Christmas. And also joined by this couple, who are sending out free "Merry Christmas!" buttons for the asking. Make sure to get yourself one before they run out! Quick!

So, get yourself outfitted and continue to fight the good fight so that Christmas will take place as scheduled next Monday. O, Come! All ye faithful!


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