It's the Third Sunday of Advent and the Queen is Against Us!

- Read it and weep for our sacred Christmas holiday!

The Queen [of England] politely declined today to deliver her Christmas Day broadcast from the house of a man who claims to have watched her annual speech every day for the past 13 years.

She apologised to Andy Park, aka Mr Christmas, for being unable to give her yearly televised round-up from his living room. Mr Park, who claims to have celebrated Christmas every day since 1993, said he was 'absolutely devastated' by the news but vowed to continue his daily viewings of her speech.

This war has 'absolutely devastated' this brave Christmas soldier. And look at the photo! He's turned to booze and soccer in a fruitless attempt to forget his agony!

This defeat came right on the heels of the electricity outages in Pacific NW, which knocked out Christmas lights throughout the region.

But take heart! There is good Christmas news, also! First of all, Christmas is keeping these Hungarians alive! THen these kids had their Christmas foal stolen, but it was replaced!

A Christmas bus strike in England was called off, also! And the Swedish Christmas Goat has survived attacks against it. Even if it's a pagan tradition, it has Christmas in the name so it's o.k.!

Plus, the police are getting involved on our side of the War! About 70 police and emergency personnel responded to two men fighting over Christmas bonuses! And they arrested a boy in South Carolina for opening one of his presents early.

So take this war survival advice from Karen Campbell and read this prayer that R J Eskow has written for Christmas warriors to help you through the following dispatches whice aren't so cheery:

- Ronald Reagan betrays us with the H-word!!

- Just when you think our enemies can't stoop any lower, a group of Godless atheists in Lansing want to rename the Michigan Christmas Tree!

- The business editor for a newspaper named after a pesticide also takes up weapons against us.

- More Christmas decorations have been destroyed by anti-Christmas Special Ops forces!

- Birders in England, will be counting birds instead of celebrating the Christmas season. Shoot them all!

- The Collingswood Council fights Christmas by delaying paying for an annual Christmas greeting on a local radio station. Those Scrooges!

- And this Pastor has banned Bibles from Christmas!

- Archbishop O'Malley of Boston is back on the Naughty List for not providing priests to parishoners for Christmas services at closed churches. Bah! Humbug!

- Finally, The Defeatists have put together a scurrilous '12 Days of Christmas'. Shame on them!