Thursday, December 14, 2006

War Correspondent Suffers Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder!

I must apologize for not posting today's dispatches. The course of the War so far has afflicted me with PTSD and I had to go to the doctor. They have declared me only 75% disabled, so therefore perfectly fit for another round of duty... then another one, then another one...

In today's War dispatches, we find that the War on Christmas is expanding into Hanukkah!

- This writer wonders why Hallmark doesn't make Hanukkah ornaments... and finds out she is the only one wondering.

- NewsHounds also noticed the War is expanding.

- And here, a giant Menorah shares airspace with the National Christmas Tree in Washington D.C. Shoot it down! Shoot it down!!

Sadly, the expansion of the War hasn't staunched the flow of outrages nor confined the War to the United States (and Britian):

- The War has expanded into Canada!

- Christmas decorations have been stolen!

- Christmas toys are stolen from a charity in Louisville, KY. Louisville is also the site of the Battle of Brandeis School described in yesterday's dispatches. Are these two skirmishes related?

- More kids' Christmas presents stolen! One of the kids had this to say:
"Jesus or God would not do this. The only person who would make someone upset and make money off this would be the devil..."

- Jesus or God wouldn't create defective Christmas Tree lights, either.

- Some vendors in South Carolina want to honor Christ's birth by violating blue laws which honor the Sabbath. Oy!

- Whirled Net Daily fires off several salvoes of bumper stickers to fight back! And they're on sale!

- Finally, The General writes a letter.


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