Sunday, December 10, 2006

It's the Second Sunday in Advent: The War Is Getting Hotter!

Our First Lady, Laura Bush, had a bit of a rocky start in the War last year because she sent out 'Holiday cards' instead of Christmas cards. We had to put her on the Naughty List for that! But she came around this year and was doing quite well in making sure our Lord's birthday was first and foremost in all things.

So we were quite shocked to find out she had been attacked at her own Christmas Party! The evidence is quite upsetting, so please take a deep breath before you gaze upon the photographic evidence of the aggression.

That's right! Our gallant First Lady was humiliated by War on Christmas commandos wearing the exact same dress as she was!! Fortunately, since she was home, she cleverly parried the attack by changing her dress, but not before the official Christmas portrait was taken.

We don't know much about the attackers except that they had money and access. The Christmas party is by invitation only and the Oscar de la Renta gowns cost $8500 apiece -- that's over $25000 worth of attempted sabotage, people! Thank goodness Laura's attackers didn't mimic her hairstyle, also!

In other War news:

They are getting organized! Some sickos have written a manual for fighting the War on Christmas. They know what they are doing; no authors are listed, just "A Mysterious Cabal of Secular Liberal Plotters". Sickening! Here is just one page of their vile tactics.
One way to repel attacks and make sure store clerks say, "Merry Christmas" to you is to wear one of these. If Laura Bush had been wearing one she could have more easily overcome that assault at her own Christmas party!

Just as invitees sandbagged the First Lady, this rogue Christmas Tree destroyed a loyal family's home. The forces against us are playing dirty, folks!

And like that rogue Christmas tree, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is joining forces with those who would make everyone in America give up their beliefs and only say, "Happy Holidays".

Here, it attacks Camilla Parker-Bowles during the photo shoot for her and Prince Charles' Christmas card. The Flying Spaghetti Monster site is also filled with references to 'the holidays' and not to Christmas at all. They go on the Naughty list!

In S. Africa, the War on Christmas has become so bad that Nelson Mandela had to cancel his annual charity Christmas party for children. Those Christmas warriors have no shame, do they?

These War dispatches may seem depressing until you realize that we have plenty of forces on the side of Christmas. The Catholic League for Religious Freedom and Civil Rights (slogan: "We'll tell you what civil rights you can have!") has set up the 2006 Christmas Watch list which tracks our Christmas War enemies and even names the 'Supreme Grinch of the Week'.

So, every time you are confronted with the enemy, some of who deliberately aim to offend you and Jesus, take comfort in the fact that the Catholic League, Jordanian women, Eartha Kitt and Torres Vedras are on our side!


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